someone should've told you
by dead end justice
Summary: they're two halves of a whole, really. derrickcam


lol i can't explain this even if i tried  
just a bunch of fragments & run-on sentences & lack of punctuation/capitalization

**someone should've told you  
**they're two halves of a whole, really.

* * *

it's hot out when they get married.

they're six and their hands are sticky with melted ice cream, but they hold them tight anyway, and speak their "i do"s louder and prouder than anyone else. their brothers think this is funny- as everything is at the age of eleven, if it's not for a girl- and derrick and cam slip rings from gumball machines at the supermarket on each other's fingers, just as they had seen in all the movies, grinning stupidly at the pretty girls that wed them, their brothers, each other, and the world.

school carnivals are the best, big brothers are the worst, and little kids never really understand the grown up meanings behind their words.

( _in sickness and in health for richer or for poorer i do i do i do _)

.

you never get derrick without cam or cam without derrick. if you see one, the other isn't too far behind. they walk home together, take the same classes, try out for the same soccer team. they split their lunches directly in two, because what's better than a bologna and cheese sandwich _and_ a ham sandwich? nothing, that's what.

they're two halves of a whole, really.

.

cam is the first person derrick kisses and isn't actually an accident. he's twelve and he's lonely and massie's mad at him like always and cam is pretty pretty pretty and his lips are red like licorice and they look so soft and sweet and nice-

and they are, under his, after he stumbles over his feet, even though they're shocked and still. cam smells like gummy worms, his favorite candy. he even tastes like them, too: tangy and sour and warm and-

he kisses him back, but it's tentative, slow, and when they break apart- thirty seconds later, but who's counting?- their earthly beings refuse to make eye contact.

somewhere inside, their souls blush madly.

.

when claire's not in a good mood or cam's frustrated, he'll find derrick, which doesn't take long because derrick is never too far away from him. he'll see him and without a word, he'll take him away, dealing with massie's wrath which is scary as shit almost as if she isn't there, with a grip on his hand so tight it might break off from his arm. he shoves him somewhere, nowhere, everywhere- a bedroom, a closet, a room where no one will be, a space someone might.

and when they're alone, cam won't talk, he won't say anything, but derrick will know, and derrick doesn't care. he'll get shoved against a wall, a bed, any surface, really, and cam will bite his mouth, his tongue, _whatever_, and hold his face tightly in his palms, and kiss the living daylights out of him.

derrick will fall submissive under the pressure, fingers desperately trying to hold on to something, anything, nothing, everything. they'll tangle in cam's hair, gripping him tight, and the two of them will move against each other like they always do, as if they are the only two with all the answers to life's questions

( but they never ask the right ones )

.

it sucks when you fall in love with your best friend. derrick realizes this the hard way, just like he realizes everything else.

massie likes the new kid- josh or jeremy or whatever his name is and alicia is mad at her, furious, even- and cam isn't derrick's anymore, he's claire's, and there's no way to get him back, because claire's got these claws in him that no one but derrick can see. don't those hurt, cam? i think they do.

they're buddies and pals in public, with slaps on the back and high-fives, but when backs turn and the attention is off them, even for a second, they're all roguish grins and significant looks. when they're alone, they're made of wandering hands and swollen lips, but no whispered promises or sweet nothings.

and really, nothing matters when you're alone, not unless you can do what you do when you're alone in public, and they can't, because cam isn't derrick's. he's claire's. always claire's.

( claire is the devil )

and he loves him he loves him he loves him-

cam loved him once too, back when they were six. when they were little right up to when they weren't. they were once intertwined like cam and claire's fingers before girls were important and all that mattered was friends, avoiding showers, and sports.

.

when someone loves you and then they don't, it feels an awful lot like drowning, like you can't find footing in a pool you know you can stand in. it also feels like someone is forcing you under the surface, keeping your head in the water so you can't break free to breathe.

( derrick wonders what it's like to breathe; he's forgotten )

it's a lot like free-falling, too, but mostly it's like breaking into tiny pieces the moment you hit the floor. it's odd to know what a plate feels as it tumbles through the air-

derrick's almost there, almost at the part where the plate crashes to the ground. he's hovering above that, waiting waiting waiting-

it hurts hurts hurts hurts GODDAMMIT IT HURTS-

he's shattered pieces laying on the kitchen floor.

.

derrick lets olivia ryan have her way with him the moment cam tells claire i love you.

he sees the pretty red lips mouth the words and his heart clenches and pounds and he hates himself for getting so worked up over it. it's not like he's the one who gets to hear that phrase, of course not, of course not- HE SHOULD BE-

and he feels like screaming but he knows no one will hear him, so what's the point, really? there is none. that's the answer life gives him, and he hates all things about questions because he's never told what he wants to hear.

why ask when you never get your way? WHY WHY WHY

.

they were never married to begin with, were they?

don't answer that. that's not a question worth an answer.

( no, derrick harrington, i hope you didn't keep that ring )


End file.
